Tuesday 21 May 2013

And Yet Again, I Find Myself In This Situation..

The time is 3:02am, I have not been to sleep and I should be up in less then 4 hours to get Spud up and ready for school. I got into bed around 11pm, within 25 minutes I got the horrid feeling of being sick, every time I moved, my head pounded like I was being thrown around on a mad fun fare ride. I'm tired, stressed and feel sick, I feel faint constantly and just wish I could sleep. I resorted to coming to the front room, such an amazing plan entered my head, I'll do an all nighter, only I am not 14 anymore, I am a tired Mum who has no such time for things such as all nighters. I'm stuck in a situation though, if I try and go to sleep now, which no doubt will happen, will I wake up on time, will I hear my alarm!?

It's times like this I wish Spud's Father was more involved, I wish for once in his life he could do the school run, it wouldn't hurt him, but he wouldn't even attempt to do it, too scared who he will be seen by, who will find out he's got a child, or maybe just maybe he doesn't give a damn care for his child's school educating life! Yes I think I'll go with that story.

I need sleep, proper sleep, if I manage to get a few hours before 7am, I'll be tired either way, I'm going to be a walking zombie doing the school run, forcing myself to pass the three local shops within my area, telling myself not to cave in for an energy drink. I started to get a little bit addicted to them, having at least 1 Monster energy drink a day, sometimes two and sometimes even three, friends, family and myself thought that maybe I was becoming I'll because of them, but I don't think it is, it's still here and I have not touched a single energy drink for the last week.

I get scared at times like this, I'm constantly pushing it to the back of my mind, then when the abnormal and severe pain comes, I worry, I question myself and pray its not something serious. I've got the doctors again tomorrow (Wednesday) it's now become my second home, I'd like some answers, and if its more blood test then so be it, I need to know what's going on inside of me, I've reminded Spud so many times in the last couple of weeks as to what he needs to do in an emergency, that's what I'm most fearful of, something happening if I'm alone with Spud.

I just hope and pray that nothing does happen, I hope the doctors can find the reason to the way I'm feeling.

Jade xx


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