This post is going to be all about how I become that teenage mother to my beautiful boy, Spud is me, he's my everything, without him, I just wouldn't be me! I wouldn't be writing, well I doubt I would be, and I sure as wouldn't be running a blog, or two for that matter!
I met Spud's father when I was 13 years young, because now, 11 year's on, at the still young age of 24, I feel so old! I was walking to the local church with my cousin Karla and my friend, we was on our way to the church youth club, which was hosted every Tuesday in the baptism church in the area I lived in, it was very different to the other youth club I attended every Wednesday, completely different!
I heard a whistle, being the age of 13, and just starting to notice males and male attention, me, Karla and my friend giggled and walked past the two boys making the howling noises. Every Tuesday would be the same repeat, we'd come home from school, take off our uniforms, get changed into our clothes, have dinner and head off to the church's youth club, and every Tuesday without fail, Spud's father would be near, waiting and whistling.
One day, he plucked up the courage to approach me, actually, he always had the courage, I don't know what made him approach me that one day but he did, I couldn't stand him. It was the first serious attention I think I had, but being the young mature, street wise teenager I was, I thought of his whistling as dis-respectful and not in the slightest bit pleasant. I ignored his question when he asked for my number, gave him a fake name, and told him I had a boyfriend.
Spud's dad just didn't want to give up, and one day, by chance, we was all at a local event with mutual friends and we got chatting, we swapped numbers and we instantly starting texting. The texting became apart of my routine, and we would sneakily meet up behind my parents back, for sneaky walks to the shops and visits to the park. For two year's, it was just harmless kisses and cuddles, nothing serious, just young teenager's who believed they was in love.
When I was 15, thing's started to progress in the relationship, I wasn't stupid, I knew what sex was, and very soon, myself and Spud's father, who is two year's older then me, 'made love'. I took myself to the clinic, and thought it was wise to get some sort of contraception, because although we used protection not just to prevent a pregnancy but also to protect our health sexually.
Accident's happen because no way is my boy a mistake, realising I had not had a period for quite a while, but too stressed with exams at school to know how long exactly, I went to the family planning clinic to speak to one of the consultants. I explained that I was on the pill, and I had not had a period for at least two months, it doesn't take a genius to work out that both myself and Spud's father was not using protection either. We was both comfortable that we was each other's 'first love' and so knew we was clean.
I sat dumbfounded and shocked when the doctor called me into the room to announce I was pregnant, I was with my friend Jade, and she kept saying to me, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what are you going to do!? Jade, I loved you dearly, but if I ever wanted to shut someone up so much in my life, it was then! I thanked the doctor, who talked me through my 'options' and left the room in a state of shock.
The options the doctor spoke about was one; have an abortion, two; carry on through the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption or three; have my baby. To me, there was no option, abortion to me, was murder, I didn't know how far gone I was at that time, but it just wasn't a valid option, neither was adoption. I got myself into this situation, and I would get myself through this situation, I had one option, and that was to keep my baby.
Telling my parents was the hardest thing I've ever had to tell them, Spud's father was easy to tell, he pleaded with me to have an abortion, he was terrified of my parents, well more so my dad's reaction. I ended up having an argument with Spud's father one day, I called my mum up crying and broke down to her, telling her I was pregnant, at the grand age of 15, still in education (home educated), no job, and a teenager! My mum hung up the phone, and then my dad called me, my heart has never raced so fast in my life up until that moment!
My parents, were understandably disappointed in me, none of them had a clue I was having a sexual relationship with Spud's father, let alone taking myself along to the clinic and getting myself contraception, Spud was to be my dad's second grandchild, and my mum's first. In time, my parents knew that no matter what they said, I was standing by my decision, they was just loving parents who tried their hardest to teach me right from wrong, teaching me values, morals, self respect, dignity and more.
I felt like I had let my parent's down enormously, I worried about how friends would judge them, and blame them, it wasn't no ones fault, mine included because my baby wasn't a fault, he was and still is my little blessing! Between the ages of 12-15, I got into the wrong crowd and started getting in trouble, I had a right little temper on my shoulders and ashamed to say, I've been arrested a fair few times.
Having Spud made me the person I am today, if I didn't have him when I did, I don't know where I'd be right now, I wouldn't like to say prison, because I don't think I would of allowed myself to go that far with the trouble. Sitting in a police cell is the most boringness thing in your life, it's worse then watching paint dry on a wall, because, quite frankly, at least you have something to watch.
By the time I had my scan, I was 18 weeks pregnant and was given a due date of the 15th of May 2006, my parents were great and my dad decorated my bedroom to a more neutral colour to welcome the baby home to. My parents have always worked hard, my dad has never ever been on benefits, and never wishes too, my mums had a few stints on benefits, but never for long because we're a working class family.
I think my parents we're worried that I was going to be another average stereo typical teenage mother, a mother who would quit education, live off the country's benefit system and go on to have wreckless emotionless relationships, popping out a baby every year. They could never of been so wrong, I carried on my education, I started work as soon as I could, and I've worked on and off ever since the age of 15.
Spud made an appearance into the world seven weeks before his due date on the 30th of March 2006, my baby was born seven weeks premature and weighed a tiny 4lb, he was beautiful and perfect to us in every single way! Spud needed extra care at the hospital, but after just a few days was feeding by himself, and amazing everyone around him!
At just three weeks old, my baby boy was rushed into hospital to have an emergency operation, now aged 8 year's, he's gone on to have another four operations making that five in total to date. Spud never ever fails to amaze me with how he take's thing's in his stride, he's my brave, precious, little miracle baby who has turned his mummy's life around enormously.
I broke up with Spud's father five years after being with him when I was 18, I had enough of the lies, betrayal and the cheating he had put me through. I tried my hardest to make our relationship work for the sake of Spud, but in the end, I realised that the stress Spud was witnessing was worse then us pretending to be okay as a couple, so I called an end to the relationship, now, five years on, I still think it was the best decision I've ever made.
I'm fully aware that so many people presumed the worse of me, they'd presumed, because I had a child a month before my 16th birthday, by now at the age of 24, I should apparently have three or four children, at least two, but never one. Well, I do only have one child, I DID carry on my education, and I've worked for longer then I've been on benefits since the legal working age.
I am proud of what I've done and achieved, I know my family, my parents especially are ever so proud, they cant praise me enough with their blessings. I didn't do any of the last eight year's for my family, nor my friends, Spud's father or even the man above. I done it for myself, for my son! To be the best mummy I could, and to raise a polite, respectful, well behaved, charming little boy.
I look at him now, playing peacefully, and I'm so proud of the way he has grown up, he is the most pleasant little boy you'll meet, he's a little bit jumpy and like's to bounce around, otherwise he is perfect, my perfect, he's my beautiful, amazing, little boy!
With kisses,
Jada.
