I've had psoriasis since I was a young child, this year after my condition getting more severe, I was diagnosed with chronic psoriasis. Living with psoriasis is unpleasant, it's not only irritating, itchy and sore, but it's also very unpleasant and knocks your confidence down to zero.
As many of you have witnessed yourselves, we've had some wonderful bouts of weather recently, everyone's showing off their arms and legs and dressing along with the summer sun we've pleasantly had. Then there's me, too ashamed and embarrassed to show any flesh other then my hands and feet, because I refuse to wear gloves and anything that covers my feet in the pelting sun.
The problem is, is one of the worse effected area's of the condition on me personally is my hands, I cant cover my hands by wearing gloves, and even in the winter when I do wear gloves it just makes things worse, those of you who know me must be thinking how can it get any worse, it drives me insane, so insane I want to chop my own body parts off!
After trying every treatment available from my GP, I was referred to the hospital a few months ago and put in touch with specialist who could hopefully help me. I had my initial appointment where the specialist said although not the worse he had seen, it's one of the worse cases he's seen for my age. The specialist booked me in for a skin test appointment, and then told me to expect a waiting list time of 6-8 weeks once they had the results of my skin test.
I went for my skin test appointment yesterday, I lost my dignity once again by having to strip down naked, completely naked, not even underwear allowed in front of a female nurse, and a younger student male nurse who was Irish! I love the Irish accent, I could not believe out of all the people I could of lost my dignity to at the hospital, it was a Irish nurse, thing's could of been worse I suppose! I forgot to mention I also had to get naked with the specialist at my first initial appointment.
So having gone from being a once not over confident, but confident enough woman, I have now lost all my confidence thanks to my psoriasis, and now I've lost my dignity two times in one month, it won't be the last either as my treatment starts today, yes today!
Sitting down, I was told my skin is already permanently damaged, my condition is not curable, but it is treatable and they're going to try their best to help me. I've skipped the waiting list due to the severity of my skin, and I'm starting my treatment today! Thing's got a little bit too much for me and I broke down in front of both nurses, including the Irish one! No chance of him marrying me now ay!?
I cried because I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, I hope and pray I am one of the statistics who would come under the success rate. I cried because this whole process has been horrid and one I never wish on anyone, and I cried because I fear I am ruining Spud's school summer holidays.
I start my treatment today, and the next session on Friday. I'll be attending the hospital three times a week, for 10 weeks, that's 30 sessions in total, and depending on how my condition is looking they may have to increase the course by a further couple of weeks at the end of the planned 10 weeks.
I've tried to plan as much as possible during the six week summer school holiday for Spud, he himself has been through a really tough time this year, he's had two operations, numerous amounts of doctor and hospital visits and just last week has been referred back to the hospital after a retraction from his 5th operation.
Now, I need to either find childcare for him for three times a week, or drag him to the hospital with me, neither is fair on him. I feel like such a horrible mummy, I know in the long run this is for the best, and something I've always wanted, but do you ever feel like the timing could of been better?
I'm getting all teary writing this post, so I'm going to sign off now! I'll hopefully be able to write about this again next week, it all depends on how the treatment is going to leave me feeling!
Jada x
