Monday 9 November 2020

Calling A Break on Friendships

If 2020 has taught us anything - it's taught us life is too short, so why am I writing a post about taking a break on friendships? Sometimes, we need to put ourselves first, because when we're putting so many others in front of ourselves, our own lives start spiralling out of control.

Wooden hand peace sign, sat upon three assorted books.

This year has been hard for nearly all of us, in some way or another, everyone has been affected. We may have been affected differently, but without a doubt, Covid19 has certainly given us all bumps in the road. I worry about the virus, but I worry more about people's mental health. 

I've always considered myself a good friend. I am always there for my friends in any way I possibly can be, but as of today (Monday 9th of November 2020) - I'm putting a break on my friendships. I just need some 'me' time. 

I have spent so much time of 2020 being there for others and running around for others, so much so that I have left my own plans to go to ruins. Unfortunately we can't get time back, and unfortunately, I have missed out on quite a bit - both personally and work-wise, however this all changes from today!

Being a good friend is wonderful until your friendships start taking a toll on your own mental health! Whilst I am not blaming anyone individually - together, it just got too much. Individually no one has been 'too much', however, with the amount of friends I have - together it caused a storm.

It got to the point, where I was never off my phone, where I would end one call, and another call would come straight through. I tried my hardest to 'ignore' the calls and messages I was getting, I would say to myself I would call these friends back later on, or return their messages. However, if I didn't answer my mobile, my house phone would be called, and some even went to lengths to knock my door!

There was and there isn't no hiding. Besides, why should you have to hide in your own house?

You may be reading this, wondering why I didn't just say outright to leave me alone? I can't talk personally about my friend's situations and what each one has gone through recently. Being a good friend means you're there for your friends, and that's all I tried doing. However, it sadly took a toll on my own mental health.

This isn't a 2020 thing, this has been going on for years, but this year got way too much. This year, I put others before myself so much, that I nearly lost my relationship, as well as my job.

If a friend turned up at your door, in floods of tears, would you turn them away?

If a friend called you, in floods of tears, would you end the conversation? 

If a friend messaged you, saying they're struggling - would you ignore their messages?

Of course you wouldn't, just like I didn't, however the calls just started coming in just to rant about partners, or families. I became an agony aunt, listening to relationship problems and work disputes. I was running around after so many people too, as many of my friends don't drive, and let's not get started on the things I done for my friends - which Google could do too!

I dropped hints like no tomorrow, I would repeatedly tell them all (when times wasn't so rough) that I was behind with work, that I needed to crack on. I would drop hints whenever I could, hoping the hint just may get across, but unfortunately the hints never worked.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself crying over notifications on my phone, and that's when I knew enough was enough. 

I LOVE my friends dearly, but I can't sit and listen to the same things for hours. Although these phone calls may only last 20-40 minutes, I can't get straight off the phone and go about my day to day life as usual. My head is clouded by the things I have been told, and the worry and fear I have for my friends.

The messages may only take seconds to reply too, but when there are so many, it's just like playing never-ending catch-up, and by the time I've replied to one, another one pops up.

Things got too much, and so I've decided to put a break on things. I've asked friends not to contact me Monday-Friday during 'working hours' unless it's an emergency. Again, this isn't personal to any one individual, so I posted a Facebook status on Friday, giving everyone a weekend warning letting them know what was coming.

Although we're only a few hours into Monday, it's been so wonderful not listening to my phone repeatedly go off with either phone calls or messages. I've not even put my phone on silent - it's just my friends are listening to me. There has been no calls, or messages - not a single one, and it's been so blissful! So blissful in fact, I have not only managed to write this blog post, but I also sorted out some personal errands I needed to sort too - a brand new faulty laptop being one of them, along with re-booking a cancelled holiday!

Sometimes, no matter how hard it gets, we have to call time on things - even if it is for a short period. We should never be in a situation where we are drowning so much for problems that are not even our own. If real friends have a problem with you taking a break - they're most probably not your real friends anyway and are doing you a favour by walking away. Real friends will support you, and respect your wishes whilst giving you time!

Don't be too hard on yourself, and remember, the only way is up!

Until next time,
Jada x