Trigger Warning: This post contains discussion of domestic abuse, coercive control, and personal experiences that some readers may find upsetting or triggering.
I became a mum at 15, just one month before my 16th birthday. I did not enter motherhood with life experience, financial security or a strong safety net. I entered it young, frightened, determined to love my child fiercely, and unaware of how vulnerable that combination could make me.
What I did not expect was that becoming a young mum would increase my risk of experiencing domestic abuse. Not once, but repeatedly. This is my lived experience, and it is one sadly shared by many young mums across the UK.
How Being a Young Mum Increased My Vulnerability
With hindsight, I can now see how my age played a role. Not because I was weak or naive, but because I was still developing emotionally, socially, and practically. As a teenage mum, I lacked relationship experience. I did not always recognise early warning signs. I felt enormous pressure to keep relationships together for the sake of my child. I feared judgement, intervention from authorities, and being labelled a failure.
I stayed in situations longer than I should have because I believed I had to. I believed I should be grateful that someone wanted me. I believed that leaving would mean doing everything alone. Abuse does not usually start with violence. For me, it often began quietly.
What Domestic Abuse Looked Like in My Life
It was not always shouting or visible injuries. It was control disguised as concern. It was having my confidence slowly eroded. It was being made to feel guilty for having friends or support. It was being told I was dramatic, unstable, or being gaslit to believing I was imagining things. It was constantly feeling like I had to prove that I was a good mum. Sometimes the abuse escalated. Other times it stayed emotional or psychological. Both caused lasting harm though.
The Silence Around Young Mums and Abuse
One of the hardest aspects was the silence that surrounded it. As a young mum, I often felt judged instead of protected. Observed instead of supported. Afraid that asking for help would lead to my parenting being questioned or my child being taken away. That fear alone is powerful enough to keep many young mums trapped in unsafe situations. Abusers know this, play on this and exploit it.
From an Outsider’s Perspective - What to Look Out For
If you are reading this as a friend, family member, neighbour, professional, or simply someone who cares, you have the ability to help. Domestic abuse does not always look obvious, especially for young mums. Some signs may include withdrawal from friends or family, constantly checking in with a partner, low self esteem, frequent apologising, sudden changes in mood or mental health, fear around money or housing, or a partner who speaks on her behalf or controls decisions. If something feels wrong, it usually is.
How You Can Help a Young Mum Experiencing Abuse
You do not need the perfect words. What matters most is belief, patience, and consistency. Believe her even if her story feels fragmented. Avoid judgement if she stays or returns. Reassure her that she is a good mum. Offer practical support such as childcare, lifts, or simply a safe space to talk. Let her know that help exists and that she is not alone. What does not help is asking why she does not just leave, threatening involvement of authorities, minimising emotional or controlling behaviour, or pushing her before she is ready. Leaving abuse is a process. Not a single decision.
Support Is Available in the UK
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, confidential help is available through organisations such as Women’s Aid, Refuge, and SafeLives.
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available 24 hours a day on 0808 2000 247.
In an emergency, always call 999.
If it feels safe to do so, speaking to trusted friends or family can help reduce isolation and create a network of people who can support you emotionally and practically. Having a safe word agreed with someone you trust can be a discreet way to signal that you need help urgently.
You may also find it helpful to download the Hollie Guard app, which the detective in charge of my case informed me about. This app can send alerts to your suggested emergency contacts, share your location, and record evidence if you are in danger.
Most importantly, creating a plan to leave safely can make a real difference. This might include setting aside essential documents, money, medication, and keys, planning where you could go in an emergency, and knowing who to contact.
Leaving is not always immediate or straightforward, but taking small, careful steps towards safety is still progress, and you deserve support every step of the way.
My Message to Other Young Mums
If you are a young mum reading this and parts of it feel familiar, please know this:
You are not weak.
You are not stupid.
You are not failing your child.
You are surviving. Survival requires strength. Being a young mum does not mean you deserve less safety, less love, or less respect. Your past does not define your future and I promise you, leaving will be one of the best thing's you've ever done.
I'm still here. I'm still standing and if you are too, that alone speaks volumes about your resilience.
Getting out of an abusive situation can feel overwhelming, but support is available and help does not have to be faced alone. Reaching out to domestic abuse services either locally or nationally can be a vital first step, as they can offer confidential advice, safety planning, and practical support tailored to your situation.
I am currently going through the police and legal system in relation to my ex partner, who I was engaged to for nine years. Due to the legality of this, there are things I cannot yet speak about openly. What I can say is that navigating these systems is challenging, emotional, and often exhausting, but it is also part of reclaiming safety, boundaries, and truth. When I am able to, and when it is safe and appropriate to do so, I will speak more about this part of my journey. For now, it is enough to say that healing and justice are processes, and I am taking them one step at a time.
I hope that anyone reading this who is facing Domestic Abuse, no matter their age, background, or circumstances, is one day able to escape the abuse they may be living through. Whether that journey is short or takes time, you deserve safety, peace, and a life free from fear. I wish nothing but strength, healing, and happiness for every person affected by domestic abuse, and I hope that one day you are able to look back and see just how brave you truly were.
Jada x
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