Monday 25 May 2020

My Weight Loss Journey - The Beginning.

A week ago today on the 18th of May, I started a new lifestyle journey with the final aim to get myself back to a weight I am happy with. For a long time now I have been unhappily overweight and not just by a few pounds! One week in and I am 6lb down, meaning I only have 1lb more to lose for my first half a stone off! The first of many half a stones I am wanting to lose!

I have always been big, in fact, I was born premature and was the biggest premature baby some of the midwives had seen! Back in the 90s (I was born in 1990), premature babies were all placed in a room together, at least in the hospital where I was born anyway. Side by side, hospital cribs each with a tiny premature baby inside, and then there was me.

My dad over the years has reminded me of a time where he was standing over my hospital crib, when a man approached my dad and asked what was wrong with me? My dad told the man I was premature, why else would I be in the room purposely for preemie babies? My dad's answer seemed to upset the man, who replied to my dad with ''premature!? I'll show you premature!'', he then proceeded to show my dad his daughter, who weighed just over 2lbs, whereas I was born at 7lbs 4oz! 

My mum tells me stories too, we were at the beach once when a lady was cooing over me in my pram, when she asked my mum how old I was and my mum told her I was 4 months old, the lady looked disgusted and replied with 1 year 4 months? My mum corrected her saying no, I was a little over 16 weeks old. The lady rushed off without another word.

I would constantly ask my mum and dad why I was so big, and neither of them could ever say. Apparently, I was my mums best baby in terms of being content. I never cried my parents tell me, not even for food! I asked how they knew I was hungry and they tell me they didn't know, they would just feed me every 4 hours, so it wasn't as though I would cry for more food!

Growing up, as a child, teen and even a young adult, I have lost count the number of times my thyroid has been tested to see if there was a reason behind my weight, however the results would always come back with no problems. So why am I so fat!? Well, I should use the word obese because technically that's what I am!

I was always one of, if not the biggest kid in all my classes, but my weight never affected me badly until I got to my late 20s. By then I was clinically obese with a BMI no one should be proud of, the thing is though - I am a comfort eater, so I would find myself in a vicious circle of crying over my weight but comforting myself with cake. 

I have put on 6 stone since meeting my fiancĂ©, and although he tells me constantly he loves me for who I am, I can't help but wonder if he would have been interested in me if I was the size I am now? I also wonder about him missing the old me? I mean, I can't even dress the way I like too anymore,  not because clothes aren't sold in my size, but because I think just because it's sold in a certain size doesn't mean I can pull it off!

I am all for body confidence and love nothing more than seeing someone happy, but for me, I am not happy. I am severely unhappy and now I am 30, it's about time I make the changes I have been wanting for so long! I am so tired of being restricted on what I wear (again due to my own comfortableness), take summer for example, whilst everyone else enjoys the sun in their summer clothes, I enjoy the sun in trousers of some kind, a vest top and then a covering of some sort over my arms.

The latter isn't so much because of my weight, but my weight is a factor too it. The reason why I prefer to cover my arms is because of the operations I have had, and I am sure the medical condition I have isn't helped by my weight! I am not saying my weight has caused this condition, because I know exactly what caused that condition - stress (a troubling and testing time in my relationship resulted in me needing emergency surgery - my body just attacks itself whenever I'm stressed, hence why my psoriasis is soo bad!). 

So here's to hoping next year I'll be able to enjoy the summer more, arms and all! I continuously read posts from people with the same condition as me, who are told over and over my doctors that weight doesn't help, and whilst many people have gone on to lose weight with no improvement, I am hoping and praying for me it helps. I am 30, life has not even really begun yet, there is so much more to do, so much more to see, and I want to do this at a weight I am comfortable with, I want to start living!

So here's to my lifestyle change! I am hoping that by me updating the blog regularly, it will give me the kick up the bum I need to stick to it this time round, as I have tried so many times in the past (unsuccessfully obviously!) to lose weight. This time I feel its different, I am tired of my weight and I know it's only me who can change it! I don't have no final target just yet, I'm just taking it step by step, day by day, and aiming for half a stone targets until I am more decided!

I want me back, I want the old Jada back!

Until next time,
Jada x


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