Dear Gareth (aka Superman, MY Superman), please pass this letter onto your beard.
Dear beard, I don't know where you come from and I certainly can't remember when you first started hanging around, but I know for sure that you wasn't there at the beginning (December 2014) of mine and Gareth's relationship.
You see beard, since you've been around you've caused quite a lot of trouble haven't you? You've also made my darling Superman look a little scruffy, and you're taking up time that could be spent on other things! Do you know for the 30 minutes that Gareth spends sorting out you every 3-4 days, he could be spending 30 minutes giving me a foot massage, or mowing my grass, the things he use to do before you come along, he didn't get the name Superman for nothing!
We use to do lots before you come along, but now you just take up so much time, I have started to hate seeing you, even the babies of you, as I know what they grow into!
You've stopped and ruined quite a lot, haven't you!? You've stopped cuddles during movie night and now I've resorted back to hiding behind a pillow like I'm single again, and you've stopped goodbye cuddles at the front door, now it's just a hug and a quick kiss before you start bullying my skin leaving me with a horrid rash!
I thought I'd be nice and try to tackle the problem in a way I only knew how, to get you waxed off by my brother Paul, a beautician and hairdresser rolled into one, I knew it wasn't a permanent solution unfortunately, but I did think it would temporarily last at least 3-4 weeks, how wrong was I? Just a week after getting you waxed off, you was back, bigger than ever! It was like you wanted payback for getting you waxed off, you couldn't just take the hint could you?
Well I'm afraid beard, that you've just got to go, we all know three's a crowd and there just isn't room in this relationship or on Gareth's face for you. Whilst I find him attractive no matter how he looks because he has the most gorgeous personality and face, you do make him look scruffy, and my Mr isn't scruffy whatsoever!
To put an end to you - well to make things easier to deal with you, I've ordered my Superman a beard trimmer to tackle you whenever he needs too, and if any other partners out there feel my pain, you can grab your man one for Christmas. You've avoided the razor and you've avoided the wax, but this genius invention is going to finish you off, I know it is! I'll have my superman's face back in no time!
You can still have the millions of babies you want, and I can have my superman back along with the free time for foot massages and cuddles, so we both win? RIGHT!?
Jada x
Disclaimer: I really don't like Gareth's beard, and neither does he! However, if he ever fell in love with his beard, then I'd happily (ahem) fall in love with it too!
