A Letter To My Partner, The First Of Hopefully Many.

Four months ago today, my adult world changed, the woman within me came out of her mother shell and began to live life as an adult again, and not just as a mummy.


I first met Gareth four years ago, fresh after a relationship breakdown I was at my local pub, drowning my sorrows, downing shot after shot, and Malibu and coke one after another when I got introduced to him. Gareth was another one of my little brothers friends, I must of met around 20 of them already, and didn't even know more of them existed.


I often had thoughts about how my brother survived in such a big friend circle, and wondered where they come from, I wondered if my brother was a secret Hogwarts student, who had a very big secret and a fine hand with using a wand and a spell book, I had visions of him making spells to continuously add friends to his group.

Enjoying what was most probably my fourth drink of the evening, relaxing knowing Spud was safe and sound at my parents, Gareth introduced himself to me as Jamie's friend, pointing across to Jamie at the other end of the pub, I knew who Jamie was, it wasn't as though I'd not spent the last 18 years of my life with him since he was born!

Me and Gareth spoke the night away, giggled, laughed, squealed and for once since becoming single and having my heart ripped out with force, I was enjoying myself. The night was coming to an end as the bell was rang for last orders, but neither of us wanted the night to end.

Shamelessly, for the first time in my life, I knew I had to take this man home, throwing all respect out of the window, and the morals I believed in, I was having fun and I wanted it to carry on, I was 21 years old, sick of being the good girl, the loyal honest caring girl who had continuously been hurt thanks to two failed relationships, one being of six years with Spud's dad.

I vaguely remember parts of the night I took Gareth back to my home, I remember getting out of my cousins car, the designated driver, with my cousin and friend trying to persuade me to think about what I was doing, my head was spinning and for once, I didn't actually give a damn.

My cousin drove off with my friend, leaving me and Gareth stood in the car park outside my block of flats, alone with a man id only just met, the sensible girl within me started to push through the thick border of the drunken care free me, who had taken over my body for the evening and night. I started being sick, and could only think of how my ex would be looking at me now, drunk and being sick on a curb, my bottom was sore from the pavement, and the Pat Butcher style coat I thought would keep me warm for the night epically failed me to say the least.

Gareth ever such the gentleman took off his jacket and wrapped it over my shoulders, I was about a size 16 then, and knew this jacket wouldn't even fit my wrist, let alone my arms and bingo wings, and trying to get the jacket to fit over the breast that was helped being pushed up by one of my favourite Primark bra's was out of the question, so the belly that had continued to grow with every time I comfort ate was out of the equation - let's not even go there.

Shivering and throwing up the contents of my stomach, mainly alcohol with a few random crisp I'd stolen from my friends packet, I went back to thinking how much of a state I was currently in, and how I would soon be the laughing stock of the pub once Gareth had gone and opened his mouth. I decided I needed to escape the thought and there was only one thing for it, more alcohol!

We got upstairs into my flat, and I remembered the bottle of wine I'd won at a local raffle a few months prior, never a wine drinker I thought I'd gift it as a present, but that night, I needed alcohol and it was the only alcohol in sight. I wasn't Jamie, I didn't have a Hogwart badge or wand and I sure wasn't Jesus, capable of turning water into wine.

Gareth ordered us a kebab, the perfect end to a drunken night, if you couldn't feel any more rubbish, you'd brush your teeth, but still wake up with kebab breath and regret the night before.

I can't remember this part, but Gareth tells me how he woke up to me pacing up and down my room moaning and grunting to myself, I personally can't remember that myself, but if I had one guess, I'd guess I was moaning and grunting about regret, I'd most probably woke up next to him in my bed and thought what the heck have I done.

I got washed and dressed, then walked Gareth to the corner shop and then the bus stop, I don't know why as he knew many people in the area, he must of knew his way but for some reason or the other wanted me out on the road, when I just wanted to scrub myself over and over, trying to forget the night before the morning after.

I can't remember if it was on that day or the day or two days after, but me and Gareth exchanged a few messages and I begged him not to tell anyone what had happened. I didn't want to be the talk of my local, and I sure as didn't want the gossip to get back to my brother, poor Jamie and what he must of thought, we've not been brought up like that, I knew it most of broken him.

Gareth promised me he'd not tell a single soul, but being a 18 soon to be 19 year old, who'd spent the night with a older woman, he soon bragged to one of his best mates, another mate within my brothers group, but Gareth didn't think about my brothers best mate being on the table too!

Jamie's best mate went straight up to Jamie and told Jamie what had happened, Jamie then confronted Gareth and Gareth admitted the whole thing. Whilst I on the other hand made up one lie after another when my brother asked me, I declared war on Gareth and couldn't wait to see him to tell him exactly what I thought of him! I sent him horrible messages on Facebook, and ruined his 19th birthday when I saw him at the pub. I publicly humiliated him in front of his family and friends, by denying what had happened between the pair of us and calling him a liar, but really he was telling the truth.

Whilst I verbally insulted and humiliated him in anyway possible, the poor bloke just stood there and kept saying please Jade, why are you doing this. He never once got angry with me, he never once called me a name back, and I was evil with my words that night, a night I regret too much.

Gareth become my arch enemy and that was that. Jamie continued to try and get me to tell the truth, but I continued to deny the "lie" and call Gareth the sad little liar. It was only in November last year, the night before I moved when a conversation come up and Jamie asked me to admit I'd slept with Gareth - and I finally did, after four years of telling a pathetic lie.

In December last year, after a very hectic move, my dad offered to have Spud so I could attend Jamie's mate Joe's 21st birthday party, I'd not seen Gareth in years and had in all honestly forgot about him, of all the times I'd been out, I never bumped into him, until the 13th of December 2014. For those of you who know me, or for those who have read my about me page/bucket list, you'll know I hate the number 13, and so when I realised what was happening, my dislike of the number 13 only become stronger.

I kept spotting someone who I wasn't sure on at Joe's party, I wasn't sure if I thought this young chap was rather quite handsome, or if I recognised him, but where from? It was only when Gareth had the guts to approach the table I was sat on with my cousin and two friends that I realised exactly who it was. 

Gareth smiled nervously and waved with an awkward what I do hand, I smiled at him for the first time since he opened his young man mouth and said sorry. Gareth, either half cut himself or too kind to hold grudges asked me what for, I then explained that I had finally told the truth to Jamie, and how sorry I was for ruining his birthday all those years ago, and for endlessly calling him a liar. Gareth sat down next to me for less than two minutes before someone ran off to tell my brother we was sat together, Jamie appeared from no where with the most angriest face on him and pulled Gareth away from me, shouting at him to stay the hell away from his sister, both me and Gareth tried to explain why we was sat together, but with drink in Jamie's system there was no point even wasting my breath.

I done what I do best, and got out of the drama by running away, first to the toilet where I cried, and then to the bar where I downed drinks. I could hear the commotion and so many people getting involved, and only knew I had myself to blame for this, I shouldn't of took Gareth home all those years before and I shouldn't of denied it when Gareth let it slip.

Punches was thrown and glasses was smashed, I stayed out of it until my friend Annessa grabbed me at the bar and said you've got to come outside now your brother, I downed the three sambucas in front of me, grabbed my Disaronno and coke and ran outside after Annessa to my very angry brother, guarded by a group trying to calm him down.

Jamie wouldn't talk to me, instead he was telling me to go away, but not in a polite manner, so I asked one of my brothers friends where Gareth was, determined to find out what the hell was going on, I walked up the road by myself to where Gareth was stood with two blokes trying to calm him down. Annesa ran after me calling Gareth every name under the sun, screaming at me to stay away from him, I've always been my own person, and I told everyone to leave me and Gareth to talk.

We instantly kissed and I've not looked back since. We started seeing each other behind everyone's back, both knowing it could never get out, not this time. However feelings got the better off us and less than one month after Joe's party, Gareth asked me out.


He told me he would go and tell Jamie to his face, something he did and something I give him the biggest of respect for, if I was a man I couldn't of done it. Understandably Jamie was upset, confused and couldn't get his head around it, his sister is now in a relationship with his friend, the friend she hated and lied about for so long.

In time Jamie come around to the idea, warning Gareth like he had done my two previous partners not to hurt me. It's only been four months, but I honestly think Gareth would never hurt me, not in any way, physically, verbally or emotionally, he's got a heart of gold and honestly one of the most kindest, loyal, caring, loving and amazing blokes I've ever met.


I've always had this opinion that I'm independent and I've never needed a man, I was single between the ages of 20 and 24, albeit three months before my 25th birthday I knew a man was a bonus in my life, but never an essential. I've done everything alone for so long and I know I can do it for a life time.

Gareth's shown me places in my mind I never knew existed and opened a love within my heart that I never knew was there. He is the most perfect gentleman, holding doors open for me and not letting me carry a single bag, even if it does only contain a newspaper in it, he hangs my coat up and never let's me walk by the side of the road, he's not afraid to show the world his emotions and is always telling his Facebook gang how much I mean to him.


We've met each other's families and hand on heart, I mean it when I say I could spend the rest of my life with this man. Spud adores him and really enjoys the time we spend with Gareth, I equally enjoy my time spent with him too, and for the first time out of my fathers arms, I feel like a princess and a loved woman.

It's only now with the love I feel that I know I was never in love before, not proper love anyway, not this kind of love. I've dreamed about a wedding since I was a little girl, but never thought I'd get married, however I could easily marry this man, for he is amazing and by far husband material. 


To meet someone who shares the same morals, values, beliefs, respect and love as you is amazing, to meet someone who's a gentleman and good looking too is the icing on the cake. We've both shared a lot of secrets between us, things I've never told a single soul before, and the same applies with him, I feel safe, extra safe when I'm with him, and it pains me to think about not being with him.

I know I could still be independent, and I could be single for a lifetime, but with him around, the man I love and the man I'm proud to call my mr, there is no need to think such thoughts. However, I know now that if we ever did break up, I sure as would have massive expectations to how a relationship should be, and how I should be valued as the human being I am. To say to Gareth's parents you've raised a wonderful man, that would be an understatement. 


If and when the time should come if it ever did, I know my parents would give him permission to take my hand in marriage, my friends and family can't stop saying how much of a happier woman I've become, and how happy I seem to be in general. My family are very keen on him, and are happy for me to finally be with a man of values they've always wanted their daughter/sister/grandchild to be with.

I'm off to fall asleep in my Gareth's arms, just before he kisses my head and says goodnight princess, he'll play with my hair and make sure I fall asleep before him, no matter how tired he is, and it's time like that I adore, they melt me and along with Spud, he makes me realise how much of a lucky woman I am to have two fantastic men in my life.


To say I love you Gareth Mear would be an understatement, so I'll sign this off with I love you more than words can ever begin to explain, I know it's only been four months, but you are a very big and important part of my life now, I can't wait for the next four months, and the next four months after that, a lifetime if it should be, love your Jada xxxxx


20 comments

  1. So pleased for you, Jade, and how lovely to read of a young man who is kind, considerate, and not just obsessed with computer games/getting laid/drinking with mates/cars etc!

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  2. What a lovely post, so so happy for you x

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  3. What a story! I hope you have a long and happy life together

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  4. What a beautiful post, you're a very lucky lady!

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  5. So glad that you've found happiness Jade. Sounds like your love has come through a lot so far which bodes well for the future.

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  6. What a gorgeous post, so glad you have found someone to love and share all your dreams with. I have been married for 20 years now and my top tip is.....Laughter.....As much of it as you can xx

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  7. He sounds a lovely bloke, best of luck to you both. I do love a happy ending xx

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  8. It's great that you've found happiness together after the difficult times you've had before. I wish you all the best for your future together.

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  9. Aww what a lovely post this is and all the luck to you both.

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  10. Aw what a lovely story and I am so glad for you both xx

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  11. Gosh, what a story! Sounds as though it was meant to be.

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  12. Aww what a lovely post and what a story :)

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  13. So pleased for you Jada, hope it continues to blossom - good luck xx

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  14. Aww a lovely story! He sounds like a lovely guy x

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  15. I am so happy for you , you deserve the very best in life my lovely lady xxx I love to see you smile

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  16. awww what an utterly beautiful letter! ... i am so pleased you have your happy fresh start lovely x

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  17. That's lovely, I wish you many happy years together :)

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  18. What a wonderful letter and such an amazing story.
    I wish you guys all the best for the next four months and the next after it...

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  19. Such a lovely, wonderful and heartfelt letter. I wish you many more happy years together!

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