Recently, I've made some changes in my life, I don't think I've actually had time to reflect on them myself and I am totally unsure of whether said people around me have noticed either. I have been working stupid unpaid and paid hours to ensure my son has it all, I've been surviving on minimal sleep and doing horrid night shifts lasting on 3-4 hours sleep a few times a week to better our lives.
No body told me to do this, no one told me to go out there and get a job, I hated not working, hated the fact of me sitting at home doing nothing! I come from a hard working class family, my Dad's worked all his life and my Mum's worked most of her's too only taking maternity breaks and short term breaks when there has been child care problems. All six of my Dad's children work, how proud he is of us all knowing none of us rely entirely on the state to fund our lives, how proud he feel's to know we all pay our way in life and how we do the best we can for ourselves.
Today three different people have mentioned the word proud to me, firstly my beautiful sister Paula who is not just my sister but my best friend too, I don't ever tell her I love her unless its in a Birthday or Christmas card but Paula if your reading this, just know I always love you, I always have and I always will. I am so proud and happy of our relationship because I honestly couldn't imagine spending many of my hours with any one else but you when Spud is at school. Just how you are proud of me, I am proud of you, more prouder of you than you are of me, for you are a fantastic mummy to two little beautiful boys. Your beautiful boys are extremely hard work, but you just get through the hard days - which are every day, you never show your struggling and you never cease to amaze me at your unbeatable strength and patience.
Secondly my Dad - a Dad is a son's first super hero and a daughter's first love, let me tell you, my Dad is both of them and so much more to me. My Dad can not be more prouder of me and openly lets me know how proud of me he is. My Dad is always telling me how he tells his friends and our family about me, and inside, I just get this feeling, more than butterflies in my stomach, I just cant explain it, but it's a sense of achievement. My Dad is not only my Dad but he's like a Dad to Spud too, he took Spud to the very same bike track he took me too when I was younger, he built Spud's BMX scooter, his bed and so much more. Every child needs a father figure, and Spud's is my Dad. I thank you for not only being fantastic for me, but to Spud too.
Lastly, my beautiful Mum, I miss you so much with you living four hours away but I am just thankful to Alexander Bell for inventing the telephone. I moan to you all the time about various things and you make me see a different light to so many situations. You make me giggle when I wan't to cry and your extremely proud of me too!
Getting back to what I started at the beginning of this post, I've made some changes recently, they wasn't planned... they just naturally came along. A eye opening opportunity!? Nope, nothing planned at all, something unexpected but something appreciated. Whilst enjoying a five minute break away from the laptop that steals so much of my time, looking at a picture of me and my bestie Nessa, I realised she is not only my best friend, but one of my only true friends! My beautiful sister is my best friend and Jemma and Katie are two ladies I know I can trust forever, I don't get to see Jemma and Katie much, but I know they are always there for me and girls who talk wisdom. I live not even two minutes away from Nessa and don't get to see her as much as I like either, but I plan after Christmas to make date days with Nessa and wedding vow to all my friends to at least see them once a month.
The rest of these friends, well, there not friends are they!? Where are they? Who are they? No one bothers with Spud no more, he's like a forgotten child. That hurt's me and I know he misses them when he ask for them. But do you know what, he doesn't need no one but me and MY family. I will continue to work the hardest I can, making my beautiful family even more proud of me, giving me the most amazing feeling ever.
Jada x
